The Good Girl

Annoyed to the point where you feel like bringing out a sledgehammer and hammering yourself?

That is the feeling you get when you’re stuck in a sweaty school bus and everybody seems to be so stinking LOUD and all you can do is keep quiet and know you’d never win in a fight if one broke out- even when everyone around you is shallow and have nothing to do but argue about whether Kim Kardashian’s baby is cute or not. You begin to start to imagine situations in which you stand up and tell them that there are greater things in the world besides that (and also all babies are cute). At this point, some dude sitting behind you makes a crass sexual joke and the dude is in front of you wipes his sweat off and begins to talk about the HSH (Human Sex Hormone) which he believes is the only hormone that a person truly needs.The girl sitting two rows behind you starts to brag about how “Tuborg” is beer but “Budweiser” is a higher form- not beer but not really alcohol either. Simultaneously, we have the smart ones arguing over protons and neutrons while the little kids scream about spilled water (literally spilled water). The kids who you think are somewhat decent and well, generally more agreeable are either all asleep in their seats or somehow in the other buses. Your bus is simply destined to replicate a mental asylum.

In such circumstances, irritation seems to get the best of you and all you can do is sit and pray the traffic starts moving and you see your stop sooner than later.

Sometimes I wonder why I am so terrified of conflict and why I never say anything to anyone about things they may say or do that annoy me or that I don’t agree with. But then other times, I’m just at rest knowing that picking fights or running around judging people isn’t worth my time (and also it isn’t exactly the Biblical thing to do). I begin to wonder if getting annoyed at all these people is even right at all. Didn’t Jesus call us to a higher standard? Aren’t I just as shallow when it comes to real standards? What sets me apart that I should have the right to judge and say they’re stupid or mindless?

It is only when I process my thoughts and feelings much later that I realize that these people within my proximity are actually my neighbors. They are the ones I am to love. I am one of them and it is for me to love them and be respectful of other perspectives and worldviews. I am not better.

They say I am the good girl- the one who does not speak, the one who looks out the window and lives in a dream world, unattached to the immediate surroundings of the school bus. I guess by so called “normal” definitions, I am the good girl. In school, I care only for books and getting those straight A’s. The library is my sanctuary and I perform when I sit in front of a test paper. I put pen on paper and I write.

But I don’t want to be just the good girl. I want to be the light of this world because my goodness in itself is nothing. My flaws are too great. That is why I need a savior . That is why, I have Jesus. And in the school bus and in life, I choose to be like the one I love and the one who saved me. I choose to love. I choose to give. I choose to inspire.

Billy Graham said, ” Christianity isn’t an instantaneous convertion.It is a lifelong process in which one becomes more like Christ.”


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